2007 in Pornographies

I know, I know, said I was givin’ up the pornographies. But then I was asked to come up with a best of 2007 list for the blogs, and the only thing topical I pay any attention to is pornographies and lunchables. And lunchables are all the same, regardless of expiration dates. And I just sound so eloquent when writing about the pornographies.

3. grubbietits2.wmv -At first glance some would think the set up is amateur—a man metering light, the director giving out disciplined, yet subtle directions, and the dude with a still camera flashing pictures, and all of it on camera. They’d be wrong, though, for sure. This ain’t a sign of unruly filming by a couple of cherried-blood-pink filmmakers on the outskirts of San Bernardino, but a symptom of meta-fiction(porn), a convention used in most other arts since Flann O’Brien started spittin’ his shit. Besides pornographies, until now. In short, the director of grubbietits2.wmv is the Charlie Kaufmann of the pornographies scene.

2. girls.blondes.lesbys.hotaction.wmv-The gent in this file looks like he was an extra on 90210 and had more than a few rejection slips from The Highlander, both film and series. His stubbled chin (reaking of aftershave, I’m sure), and pony tail blur from motion and slight buffering as he starts out fucking hard, skips to foreplay, and then. BLAM, we backs at a BJ, and then, godbless his Tarentino incensed heart, back to hardcore fucking. Makes me wish Memento had more girls/blondes/lesbys/hotaction, and wave file action.

1. Potato Hidin 4: Baked, Sans Sour Cream. Compartimalized, short, and wholly unhealthy, this pornographie reminds why I fell in love with lunchables in the first place.


My three least favorite porns of 2007 coming soon.

jenna jamison has a fake vagina that doesn't work

Thought I heard someone saying my name on the street today—but I don’t know. Kept walking faster. I grew up outside of Reno, but you never know when someone who you don’t want to talk to will appear from the past. Besides, I’m trying to ease off the pornographies, and to be reminded of where them urges appeared—from naked woman leaflets littering the ground—would incite me to log on to ole’ aol. Which I tried to cancel awhile back because funds were low but some bright salesman talked me out of it because of all the free pornographies I can download.

Things that sound like my name: Kill that tree, hangin with Mr. Cooper, Timothy Cooper, Took her for a loop or…, Super Duper.

what's better than porn?

Now that television is making a strike-induced turn towards shitty and I am swearing off porn I have only a few choices to consume my time. Since hobbies are for the geriatric or active I am somewhat at a loss. Maybe I could rent more DVD’s? Maybe not. While DVD’s cost money, the Internet only costs us time, which is worth almost nothing. I know to some the internet seems only to be a master collection of scat smearin’, potato hidin’, hope killin’, Hollywood hole findin’, river dick dippin’, hobo immasculatin’, horse crouchin’, Bukowski readin’, elbow deepin’, and just good ole fashion video pornography. So now I’m on the lookout for internet only content where participants don’t have to get HIV tested once a week. Any suggestions?

lunch

I packed a yogurt for lunch but forgot about it, again. I ate it on the bus coming home from work. I didn’t have a spoon so I used my fingers while a girl next to me cried.

I'm here

Yeah